We often think we have to justify our anger or frustration.
We think we need other people to know WHY we feel the way we do.
Which of course means we want them to know how they or someone else caused our pain.
And how they need to change to make us feel better.
But OUR justification isn’t relevant to others.
It just helps you have permission for your feelings.
Instead just feel the feeling.
They don’t need to hear your story about why you’re feeling it.
They just need to know what your:
- Answer is
- Next step will be
- How you will proceed
- What you will do
They don’t need to know why.
My coach and dear girlfriend, Brooke Castillo, just helped me take clean action without needing to justify it.
I wanted to make the other person difficult to deal with.
I wanted him to know why it was his fault I was going to do what I was going to do.
I wanted him to know he created my suffering and then to use it to justify my decision.
But all of that is unnecessary.
Instead I just made a decision and told him.
He doesn’t need my story.
He doesn’t need my justification.
That’s my business, not his.
Such a relief to NOT invest in my difficult person story with him.
Not to make my suffering his fault.
To let him do what he does and to choose who I want to be in it.
One does not determine the other.