I work with people every day on how to deal with what’s difficult. The challenge with teaching people about how to deal with difficult people, conversations, and situations (and sometimes all) are any of the following:
- They want it to be easy
- They want the difficult person to change. Now.
- They believe the only way they can feel better is if the difficult person or situation changes or goes away.
- They believe other people make them feel a certain way.
- They don’t like believing they can choose to feel better.
- They don’t like to believe that they are responsible for their emotions.
- They think there is a right and wrong and that they are on the right side.
- They think I don’t get it (as their coach or instructor) or I don’t understand what it really feels like to work with such a difficult person.
- They believe what I teach only works in “other” situations, but not with their difficult person or situation.
- They think my approach over simplifies the problem.
- They don’t want to see themselves in the relationship, just the other person.
- It’s easier to keep believing what they’ve been believing, than to try on something new It’s hard to forgive It’s hard to be compassionate It’s hard to see through other people’s lenses They don’t want to do hard work, since it’s the difficult person’s fault that they feel bad.
- They don’t think they should have to change to deal with someone else’s problem
If you are miserable, unhappy, or angry. If you are feeling horrible each day than you can choose to change. But it’s work. And it takes effort. And it takes a willingness to do something new.
There is no magic pill for dealing with difficult people, conversations or situations.
It isn’t a complex problem.
When you make things seem complex to solve it’s easier to not do anything and instead stay comfortable and complain.
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