I recently purchased Michael Singer’s book, The Surrender Experiment. While I can’t attest to the entire book (as I haven’t read it all yet), I can say that one of the opening paragraphs really resonated and echoes so much of what I talk about with my clients who are dealing with difficult.
He writes:
“Every day, we give precedence to our mind’s thoughts over the reality unfolding before us. We regularly say things like, “It better not rain today because I’m going camping” or “I better get that raise because I really need the money.” Notice that these bold claims about what should or shouldn’t be happening are not based on scientific evidence; they’re based solely on personal preferences made up in our minds. Without realizing it, we do this with everything in our lives- it’s as though we actually believe that the world around us is supposed to manifest in accordance to our own likes and dislikes. If it doesn’t surely something is very wrong. This is an extremely difficult way to live, and it is the reason we feel that we are always struggling with life.”
What if we noticed where we wish things were different… but they’re not?
I wish this wasn’t what I was responsible for… but I have chosen to be.
I wish he wouldn’t do ‘THAT’… but he does.
I wish she never said ‘that’… but she did.
I wish I had more money… but I don’t.
I wish I hit my goals… but I didn’t.
I wish my kids were doing better in school… but they aren’t.
Wishing for something to not exist won’t make it go away.
And it certainly doesn’t help us deal with and manage it.
Instead… what if we just looked at what was and focused instead on what we want to do about AND we asked ourselves ‘who do we want to be in it’.
So, instead our responses look like this:
I wish this wasn’t what I was responsible for, but I have chosen to be. So, how does the woman who accepts responsibility move forward?
I wish he wouldn’t have done that, but he did. So, who do I choose to be in response?
I wish she never said that, but she did. So, who do I choose to be in response?
I wish I had more money, but I don’t. So, who is the man who achieves his financial goals?
I wish I hit my goals, but I didn’t. So, who is the woman who achieves what she wants and how would she go about doing so?
I wish my kids were doing better in school, but they aren’t. Who is the parent who makes a difference in this situation? How does that parent choose to be, every day with her kids?
I know life is easier when we stay out of resistance and instead we decide who we want to be and how do we want to respond.
There’s so much less drama.
And way more action and resolution.<
Our responses and our behavior are always up to us.
No matter what.
What do you wish wasn’t?
What might you do differently, if you told yourself the truth about the situation, addressed it head on and focused on who you want to be in it?
